When Parents Disagree about Discipline

Having recently reading Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Discipline Solutions, it made me really reflect on what to do when parents disagree on disciplining.

Child-rearing is often a sensitive and complicated issue for couples, and many argue about just how to properly raise their young. But for children, major parental disagreement is a source of mixed messages and confusion that may undermine the attitudes, values and behaviors parents hope to teach. Stacy DeBroff, president of the popular parenting website Momcentral.com, offers smart solutions on how to keep chaos at bay.

Parenting disagreements? Threatening the well being of our marriages and our kids? Yep, welcome to the brave new world of today's parenting: with shifting social roles for Mom and Dad, pressure to raise fabulous kids while supposedly being their best friends, and strong parenting preferences by both Mom and Dad.

When most of us were growing up, Mom and Dad held more traditional roles, with Mom typically a housewife and Dad the breadwinner and stern disciplinarian. "Just wait until your Father gets home!" my brother and I got warned on a daily basis. Not so today, as Moms announce in the kitchen, "I do not care what your Dad said! There is no macaroni and cheese for breakfast in this house or TV after dinner. Period." For men and women alike with children, parenting has emerged as a primary focus. And along with the laser-like focus on children has emerged a virtual cauldron of boiling and brewing parental disagreements.
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Trend spotting helps here to see the shifting in parenting styles. Long gone are those June Cleaver days when women considered themselves first and foremost as "housewives." Moms are focusing on being "stay-at-home Moms," we have entered the workplace in record numbers, and Dads have become the most involved parents in history. Plus, ask most Moms and Dad and they will announce how they want to be "best friends" with their children. So much for children being seen and not heard!

When Mom and Dad disagree over even minor parenting issues: the repercussions echo throughout the whole next day and the whole family. For instance if Dad lets the kids stay up way past bedtime, you have Mom at home with an entire day of dealing with a grumpy, tired, unhappy kid or one who resents your more stringent rules. Or it's the working Moms who get reports from a babysitter, the preschool, the teachers, and the after-school about a tired child who is acting out. As parents, Moms rely on having a united front.

Yet what happens amidst this child-focused lifestyle where both parents feel highly vested in their children's success is often a clash about parenting this precious commodity. With both Mom and Dad holding strong opinions about discipline, nutrition and diet, and safety (the most common areas of conflict), parental disagreements abound: contributing dramatically to our country's nearly 50% divorce rate.

Like my husband and myself, kids take center stage in our lives. We devote our lives to pick-up duties and weekend afternoons on the sidelines. Imagine the suburban mom in the minivan or SUV, coffee in the cup holder, dashing a daughter to gymnastics, a son to T-ball, stopping by the store to replace a lost mouth guard, and taking a spare moment to flip through brochures for summer camp. A huge parental fear lurking in the background is that if we don't push, but instead just relax and let our children follow their own inclinations, they will fail somehow, and we will be at fault. In our more anxious moments, we worry about our children's untapped and stunted potential, limited educational choices, and meager job opportunities. So who can throw strict limits into the mix?

Plus, who wants to discipline, admonish or oppress their self-proclaimed "best friend" and center of our universe? And thus, parenting disagreements of how to handle everything from bad behavior to bad grades emerges. Not to mention both parents ducking from being the perceived "bad guy."

Of note, in one recent compelling study 90% of couples reported more arguments after having a baby.

And while all parents disagree over parenting issues, if parenting styles continually clash or fall into extreme conflicts, marriages along with children's healthy development fall by the wayside.

And thus even highly compatible couples can find themselves at a crossroads when it comes to parenting beliefs, styles, or techniques in direct conflict with each other.

Why Not "Agree to Disagree"?
Kids Become Professional Negotiators
Starting at age 3, kids get incredibly smart about playing one parent off another. Why not create a parental clash of wills to get what you want, or go to the more permissive parent on a particular issue?

Kids Emerge Disrespectful
Left unchecked kids end up being manipulative and disrespectful outside the house with teachers, adults and even employers. The sense of manipulating adults to get what you want starts to pervade children's attitudes toward other adult relationships.

One Parent Throws In The Towel
One thing that can happen is that out of frustration, one parent eventually gives up, and refuses to get involved, even in the case of really bad behavior or child safety being at risk.

Relationships Collapse
If you cannot get past these parenting differences, couples often end up split up. It creates deep marital tension if one parent always ends up being the bad guy.

One Is The Loneliest Number – Or Is It?

Lots of people go to support groups. There are groups for alcoholics, for drug addicts, for people with diseases, for people going through divorce, and for the families of all of those people. But a recent article in the New York Times talked about a new kind of support group that many people may not have realized existed or was even needed - one for parents of only children.

Apparently, this is a group that faces a lot of bias, no matter how subtle it is. From grandparents pushing for more grandchildren to mothers at play dates asking when a child will get a sibling to the offhanded comments of strangers in public, these parents are tired of defending their choices. So, instead, they get together with likeminded families to form playgroups or go on nights’ out, they log on to one of the numerous websites or message boards set up specifically for them, or they pick up a book or magazine aimed at their needs. (The 2004 book, The Seven Common Sins of Parenting an Only Child, is already being printed in six different languages, and the magazine Only Child, is widely circulated and meant for only children of all ages.)

And despite what large families like that of Angelina and Brad might imply, single-child families are growing in number – in fact, they’ve doubled over the course of a generation. There are probably a lot of reasons for that – everything from later marriages and childbirth to growing divorce rates and financial instability to a simple desire to be able to focus fully on one child only. However, while many studies have shown that only children fare as well as those with siblings, parents often worry that their only children will feel like they’re missing out on something, won’t get enough interaction with other kids, or will be lonely, and many fear that being their child’s sole playmate is not only exhausting, but sometimes not in their child’s best interest. And these children are all too aware of the stereotypes – in fact, one little girl in the article wanted to remain anonymous so no one would know she was an only child and “think I’m spoiled.”

Yet it seems there are positives too. It’s true that with only children, parents’ attention is not divided, nor is family time, where other parents must battle with their multiple children to compromise on how to spend their Saturday, or else split up, each parent going in a different direction in order to make everybody happy. Also, many parents of only children point out how mature and comfortable with adults their kids are, as they generally interact with adults more than with peers. And, generally, these families often feel more efficient, able to get out the door, pack for vacation, or choose a video in less time than families with several kids.

They may be onto something there. I only have two, and sometimes getting out the door in the morning can be a challenge comparable to landing a man on the moon. Imagine how the Jolie-Pitts must feel.

Image: Getty Images

Ensuring Our Kids Are 2 SMRT

For all those who didn’t know, June is Internet Safety Month. It’s a time to remember that, great as the Internet is, with convenience comes danger, especially when it comes to our kids, and to talk to them about online safety.

To help put our minds at ease, the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, the U.S. Postal Inspection Service, and the Department of Justice’s Project Safe Childhood launched 2 SMRT 4U, an Internet safety campaign, six months ago. And now, in time for Internet Safety Month, the movement has been enhanced with the introduction of the Family/Educator Toolbox. This new feature is meant to bring important information to parents and educators – two groups who can have a large influence on teens, who are the most vulnerable when it comes to online safety.

The Family/Educator Toolbox, which can be found at www.2smrt4u.com, is made up of three parts. The first, “Social Networking 101,” tells parents and educators everything they need to know about the social networking sites teens are using, from what sites there are and what they can be used for to a list of terms teens use when talking online to help parents and educators decode internet slang. The second feature, “Start a Conversation,” helps adults talk to their teens about their online use and the importance of being careful – a conversation that’s not always easy to broach, as often what teens want most is a little privacy. Finally, the third section, “Safety Tips,” gives parents advice about what they should be doing to get involved and keep their kids safe.

The website also has features for teens, such as “SMRT Tips,” videos with real girls who have experience as the victims of online predators, a behind the scenes featurette with Heroes’ Hayden Panettiere, the face of the campaign, a place to report an online predator, and an order form to receive a free stainless steel 2 SMRT 4U ring.

With promotional partner TEEN VOGUE, the campaign thus far has met with incredible success, educating teens across the country and inspiring many to talk with both their parents and their peers about online safety and getting involved in the campaign. When we’re talking about our kids, we can never be too safe. So take the opportunity that June provides and get involved yourself. The 2 SMRT 4U campaign is a great way to inform, inspire, and empower all of our teenagers.

Image: 2 SMRT 4U

Holding Kids Back from Kindergarten: Huge Parental Trend

An article in the New York Times Magazine highlighted what has become both a popular and a controversial trend – so called "red-shirting" preschoolers, or holding them back a year before they start kindergarten. Welcome to a term from sports, where you take a whole year off to prepare yourself, and you get an extra year of experience coming back stronger and more competitive.
And parents get tempted with images of their child being the smartest, strongest, tallest, most athletic and socially mature of their peers. But wait...there's a huge snag.

The thinking, which has enamored not only many parents of late, but entire states as well (as many consider pushing back their kindergarten birthday cutoff dates) is based on the fact that older children perform better – they are able to absorb more information, have increased mental and physical skills, and are more socially adept.

The controversy stems from the later difficulties this holding-back phenomenon creates –  from kids who are bored with the curriculum because their skills from reading to math are so much ahead of their peers to those who awkwardly stand out among their peers as they stand a head above them or start going through puberty a year earlier.

A skeptical perspective also leaves you wondering whether schools push for red-shirting simply to increase test scores, while parents are only trying to shield their kids from any form of failure or embarrassment by giving them an edge in performance. Confounding the problem is the tendency for schools to group kids by skill level early on, which can also produce lasting effects. Furthermore, in today’s society, greatly increased work and test preparation is being assigned to each grade level, with kindergarteners (and everyone else) responsible for doing more and more work than ever before with each passing year. (Ask any parent who has sat with their seriously unhappy 8-year old at the kitchen table for hours at a time trying to get through all of the homework tacked onto an arguably already too long school day.)

All this being said, however, holding a child back a year truly is a viable option for many to redress significant academic or maturity concerns. More often than not, it seems that the youngest students, who start kindergarten a little bit behind their peers, continue to stay a little bit behind no matter how hard they or their parents work to get them up to speed.

Let’s face it - these new pressures just might be too much for a younger child to handle. In fact, teachers across the country report that nearly half of their kindergarteners have trouble dealing with the work that’s expected of them. Although some studies have found that the benefits of redshirting are not long-lasting, others claim that children, especially boys, who start kindergarten before they’re ready suffer from academic problems, perform poorly on standardized tests, and are more likely to fail grades. In the short-term, redshirting can also not only raise a child’s academic performance, but increase his social skills, confidence, and even popularity, and reduce or eliminate the need for special education in cases where it would otherwise be necessary. Which, regardless of the controversy or expert opinions, is a good enough reason for a parent to consider holding a struggling child back.

If you’re trying to decide whether or not your child is ready for kindergarten, it’s important that you do your research. Find out from your child’s preschool teachers how well he performs on tasks and socializes with others. Think about how curious, independent, and focused your child is. Also talk to the kindergarten he will be attending about how they have (or will) evaluate your child, and what is expected of him. Finally, find out the specifics about the kindergarten program – how is the classroom organized, how formal is the instruction, how big is the class size, and so on. Remember though, when choosing to hold a child back a year, it is important to enroll them in a transition or prekindergarten class instead.

Many critics will continue to point out that the research on the benefits of redshirting has produced mixed results. Which it has. But that probably only means that no one can definitively conclude that starting kindergarten later is either good or bad for children in general. As with everything else, though, most parents will find that there is a right decision to be made for their own children, and they should feel free to make it, no matter what anyone else says.

Image: New York Magazine 

Giving Up or Having It All? Brit Moms escape home...

I caught an interesting story out of London recently – 25% of the spots in nurseries are open as more and more mothers decide to stay home with their kids. In fact, over the course of just five years, the number of these British vacancies has doubled. And this from the home of the famous British nannies?

Amidst all of the press about mothers facing increased pressure regarding the decision to stay home full-time or return to work after having kids, it seems experts in London are considering this to be the beginning of the end for the so-called “have-it-all” generation of women.

Which just may be. With increased publicity about the struggle moms have after returning to work after even a short leave of absence, it seems that more and more moms are forced to choose one or the other, rather than trying to balance both. And suddenly, faced with that choice, it seems more and more moms have been choosing to stay home..at least for a while or until they can find work with the flexibility they seek. 

Whether this trend from across the pond will catch on here to the same extent, we have yet to see, but there have been a rash of media stories lately about the increased amount of time both mothers and fathers are spending with their kids instead of in the office, as well as publicity surrounding the number of women with degrees from Ivy-league and other prestigious colleges choosing to leave their careers to stay home. Articles from the US, England, Canada, and Australia abound, just to name a few. Plus, as the debate rages regarding the effects of daycare on our kids’ development, this is a trend that will likely continue at the forefront in the future.

What is clear, though, is that even if moms can’t always have it all, more and more moms opt for sequencing. You can have it all across the course of your life, just not at the same time. Look at Sandra Day O'Connor for the prime example of this. She took a decade away from her legal career to focus on raising her kids, then rose to become a Supreme Court justice, only then to sequence back home to care for her seriously ailing husband.

And with more moms choosing to stay home, we might see things starting to change – both in the office, where businesses strive to be more accommodating to the family – and in the home, where families are starting to set their own rules. While is good news. Except maybe for the nurseries.

Today’s Hot Moms!?

Seen this trend lately? I came across an article from New York Magazine entitled “Of MILF and Men,” which tackled the “sexy-mom phenomenon.” And here I mistakenly thought I was doing a remarkable job by actually taking a shower in the morning, blow drying my hair in 6 minutes flat, a fast dash of mascara, and did I mention that I am the only one in my house who realizes that the toilet paper roll needs to be changed? Oh, but now it turns out that I have to work on being completely sexy to boot in order to participate in this trend of hot, sexy moms.

This movement – which has been proliferated through a variety of “hot mom” products, including t-shirts, coffee mugs, and books, as well as through TV shows (aka Desperate Housewives) and movies that glorify the sexy mom, has held up hot moms as something worth not only striving for, but also worth cheering for. And, just as I was honestly hoping it was a 90’s fad that would go the way of the boy band.

Apparently, though, there’s no end in sight, with two new media projects in the works – a contest for “The Hottest Mom in America” and, I kid you not, a TV show called MILF & Cookies that is currently under development.

Now, if you don’t know what MILF means, you’re going to have to Google it, as I won’t be spelling it our here, but think Mrs. Robinson on steroids. What began as a good-natured, albeit derogatory term, spouted mostly by teenage fans of the American Pie movies, within the last year has become a full-blown trend amongst moms everywhere.

So the question for me is – why do we have this need to highly sexualize moms? It has always seemed strange to me, and yet I see it time and time again. Psychologists talk constantly about sexuality being less prominent during the childbearing years (on the theory that we enter a sort of latency that parallels our own young children's lack of sexuality), as not only our bodies but our priorities change. As moms, we constantly try to shield our kids from corrupting television, music, and advertising. We constantly point out to our daughters that beauty ultimately comes from within, and that they should be respected as women, not as "objects of desire." And we start paying attention to what we say and how we act, knowing that our children are always watching and learning from the examples we set.

So what's with this trend of 40-something-year-old moms meet Sex and the City. We turn off Desperate Housewives when our young children come into the room, but are willing to muse about our own version of the fantasy everyday. And it’s not just the normal primping and dress-up meant to make Mom feel good about herself, or to impress Dad who hasn’t seen her in anything but an old robe for the past two weeks, it’s a strutting down the street check-me-out-I’m-a-sex-symbol-first-and-a-mom second attitude. Not that there’s anything wrong with a little self-confidence, but...sex symbol first? What the heck is going on here? Are Moms suddenly striving for the very ideal that we are trying to guard our daughters against.

Listening to Our Kids

Although I missed the original New York Times article, “Mommy and Daddy’s Little Life Coach,” which spoke about marked changes in the parent-child relationship these days, I did happen to notice some of the backlash to it in a few other articles.  The focus of the article is on the fact that more and more parents are going to their children for advice about everything from what to wear, where to vacation, and, in the case of one New York mother, when to sell her apartment!

One article in the Augusta Chronicle and the Chicago Sun Times claims that it would do kids a lot of good to remain in their traditional positions, pointing out that kids and teens make decisions based on emotions, rather than sound judgment (shown scientifically with MRI brain scans), and claiming that the point of parenting is not to be their teenager’s friend. (That last part I agree with.)

But, really – how insecure of these parents! Mom and Dad have been bossing kids around for generations, and sometimes it’s nice that kids today have something to say. We’ve known for awhile that kids are pretty good at advising parents of what shirt looks best or how to use a computer, but it’s time we started giving them more credit. After all, if that woman in Harlem hadn’t listened to her son (who is 11 by the way) and held onto the apartment for awhile, she might not now be selling it for 4 times the amount she paid.

The New York Times article pointed to all sorts of reasons why experts believe we are seeing a change in the parent-child dynamic – a greatly increased number of single-parent homes, the marketing aimed at kids and teens that makes them more informed (or interested) in a variety of products, an attempt to be more of a friend to your children than ever before, an increased desire to include the whole family in big decisions, and what is sometimes considered to be the increased maturity and confidence that seems to be occurring at a younger age in today’s society. And while psychologists will tell you kids today are no smarter than in the past, that doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t listen to them.

That doesn’t mean we have to let our children dictate everything we do, or hand over our parental control, as some of the articles in response to the original seemed to think. Getting input from our children is not fundamentally changing our role as parents. Plus, open discussion encourages increased trust in a relationship and helps kids learn to problem-solve and think rationally. Not to mention it benefits the parents when our kids really do know something that we don’t.

I can’t see a reason to look at this trend as a bad thing. I mean, if you have raised the type of child that you can respect and go to for advice, whose input and opinion really matters to you, I’d say that’s something to be proud of.

Image: NY Times 

Welcome to the Playground Revolution

Times are changing. Parents spend more and more time trying to get their children involved in activities, pushing for their excellence and success, and regimenting their lives more than ever before. Likewise, more and more schools have become concerned with meeting performance criteria on standardized tests, forcing students to do significantly increased amounts of homework and, in some cases, cutting recess short. Kids, meanwhile, would rather spend too much time in front of TV and computer screens, and spend what little downtime they have doing just that. And in a time of safety concerns and a sue-crazy society, even school and playgroups have cracked down on safety issues, often not even allowing children to run on playgrounds. Yes, times sure are changing, and kids are missing out on something along the way.

That “thing,” namely, is play. Creative play that doesn’t come from a video screen or a classroom activity. This kind of play involves groups of children, huddled around slides that have become castle walls and jungle gyms that are suddenly mountains, creating new games, role playing, and negotiating rules. All of the things that it is more and more uncommon to see today’s youth doing.

But some parents – and teachers, psychologists, and architects – have had enough. A recent article in the Boston Globe highlighted some new playgrounds – such as Teardrop Park and the new Imagination Playground, both in New York City, and The Adventure Playground in Berkeley, California, which are unlike any playgrounds parents have seen before. Teardrop Park features a 28-foot vertical-drop slide, a sandbox that includes a water spigot for sand creations, a marsh, and a 25-foot climbing wall. The Imagination Playground, which is being designed by David Rockwell, who parents might know from his work on Mohegan Sun or the Kodak Theatre, will also includes sand and water, as well as tools, cranes, and other objects for children to play with.  And this is just the beginning. Across the country pro-playground groups have been popping up, from the Boston Schoolyard Initiative, which recreated over 60 schoolyards, KaBOOM!, a group that seeks to provide quality play areas for all children, and the MetLife Foundation Parks & Playground Fund.

With a variety of activities, free structures, and updated classics, these new playgrounds seek not only to develop children’s creativity and imagination while causing them to engage in social behavior, but also to give them places to play that are both safe and, at the same time, a little risky. That is - safe in the sense that they are monitored and controlled, yet “risky” due to the fact that the equipment isn’t necessarily “child-proof,” so to speak. Many experts lament that, in their quest for safety, previous playground architects have created such boring equipment that children are either uninterested in using (admit it, it’s getting harder and harder to convince little Susie that the see-saw is a good time) or, in an attempt to make them fun, children create dangerous ways to play on them. With this in mind, the new architects are creating the type of equipment – like Teardrop Park’s slide and climbing wall – that engender a certain thrill that today’s child may have lost somewhere among the endless hours of homework and stru ctured activities.

We are clearly in the middle of a playground revolution. Which might be just what our kids need. Sometimes it is only when adults step back that children can truly learn and grow, developing both physical and mental skills that set the stage for a genuine lifetime of success.

“Don’t forget to call when kindergarten lets out!”

Well, it looks like it’s time to buy your child a cell phone. And no, I’m not talking about your teenager. I’m talking about your first-grader. It seems that cell phones are the newest must-have item among kids – starting as early as age 6. 

Experts blame the wireless industry, which has noticed that young and preteen children are the newest market for their products. After all, pretty much everyone over the age of 13 already has a cell phone. In fact, Yankee group, a technology consulting firm, estimates that 6.6 million of the 20 million 8- to 12-year olds in the country already own a cell phone, and they expect that number to increase substantially in the near future. Due to this demand (or, perhaps, in order to create this demand), companies have started producing colorful and kid-friendly phones ranging in price from around $20 to over $100.

Not surprisingly, many parents think this trend is a bad one. After all, these children are not often dangerously out on their own, as tweens and teenagers are, needing to call and check in. Many parents complain that these phones are expensive and that their children often lose them. The phones also lose their appeal quickly, as a phone that seems cool to a 7-year-old will no longer satisfy a 10-year-old, who might then want the latest and more mature looking model. Other kids use their cell phones to make calls or play games in school, a problem that has been recently plaguing school districts across the country. Not to mention busy parents who are often the recipients of 5 or 10 calls a day. (One mom compared the frequency of her 7-year-old son’s calls to those of a jealous boyfriend, constantly checking in). Other parents who purchase cell phones for their kids say that they are looked at with disdain by parents who have chosen not to buy their preteens phones, and seeing friends with phones might upset or put pressure on the families who cannot afford them. Of course, this trend is not only another example of the marketing strategies and consumerism aimed at our young children, but also provides yet another way to indulge our arguably already too spoiled kids.

Many parents, though, think preteens with phones is a great idea. Most of the phones have tracking devices that would allow parents to find their children in case of emergency – or even curiosity. Parents feel a sense of security in knowing that they can reach their kids at any time, which has certainly become an increased concern in our society. Plus, especially since parents can control the features on many of these phones, they believe that allowing their kids to have them teaches them a sense of responsibility. Some even argue that the offered games can be educational. Finally, many who can afford to buy all of their children expensive phones and constantly use cell phones themselves simply see giving their kids a phone as a natural rite of passage.

Whatever your decision, as with ipods, video games, and laptops for kids, it’s important to tread carefully. Look at phones and calling plans that provide the most security for your kids: from being able to block calls during school hours to limiting text messaging to offering tracking features. And many non-traditional players are entering the space with innovative product lines and plans geared just for kids, such as Disney mobile.

And lastly, first grade for cell phones? After all, is Susie gets a cell phone for her 6th birthday, what will you be giving her when she turns 10?! 

Image: Weblogg-ed

The Heart (or ACL) of A Champion

It’s springtime once again, sports training is in full force, and your child has already torn his ACL. And he’s 12.

After reading an article about the over-the-top and extreme world that once-friendly kids’ sports has become, Regan McMahon decided to do some research into the phenomenon, the results of which can be found in his book “Revolution in the Bleachers.” He discusses the fact that, not only have sports changed for kids, they have changed the very design of family life – to the detriment of all.

For example – families no longer sit down to dinner, which gets in the way of practice, or take vacations together, which could conflict with playoffs. Kids’ performance can suffer in school, they may not have friends who aren’t on their team, and downtime has become obsolete. And, let’s face it, we all knew something was amiss somewhere around the fourth or fifth story of parents lashing out violently at other parents and coaches during their children’s games.

Perhaps most concerning, however, is the number of kids who are burning out at a young age or permanently injuring themselves. With elite teams more widespread than ever, kids can no longer play on a recreational baseball team in the summer, play hockey in the winter, and engage in the occasional pickup basketball game at the park with friends. More and more often, kids focus on specializing in one sport and then practice intensely year-round. This has put a strain on their still-developing bodies that nature never intended.

Especially in these cases when kids join highly-competitive traveling teams and focus on only one sport all year, muscle groups tend to get overused quickly, leading to those common injuries such as torn ACLs, fractures, and growth plate injuries. Dr. Ronald Kamm of the Sport Psychiatry Associates in New Jersey says that what we are basically doing is not only turning play into work, but working children as hard as if they were in sweatshops. A shocking comparison.

Playing one sport year round is hard work. Ask any pro athlete, whose career will be in danger after only a short time. Throughout McMahon’s research, year-round baseball proved to be the most dangerous of the sports. Bob Tewksbury, a former Major League pitcher who is currently a psychologist with the Boston Red Sox even says that scouts no longer turn to warmer regions, conducive to year-round play, when looking for up-and coming pitchers as they did in the past, as those players suffer so many overuse injuries that they are becoming less valuable to pro teams. Thus, even when the goal of year-round sports is not just fun, exercise, or structure, but a chance to go pro, its value is not only questionable, but downright inapt.

The bottom-line is this: Putting our kids into competitive sports year-round is causing them great damage both mentally and physically, and putting the family unit itself at risk. And yet it is entirely preventable. So the question remains: what price are we willing to pay for success?