A Lesson in Stress

Kindergarten consultants, move aside. The October issue of Parenting includes a story that will have parents everywhere on edge: “Will Your Preschooler Need a Tutor?” While the obvious answer seems to be no, the trend is, apparently, pointing towards yes. If you thought parents hiring tutors and consultants to get their young kids into private schools was a scary thought, brace yourself. It seems it just will not stop – and the targets are getting younger every day.

With a generation of overachieving parents pushing for a generation of overachieving kids, we have seen everything from diminishing playtime to overloaded schedules for kids as young as 2 and 3. Imagine being a grandparent that needs to be penciled in for a playdate with your 6 year-old grandchild, who shuffles back and forth between school, music lessons, gymnastics, and second or third-language courses daily. But it’s all about to get worse. Tutors and academic programs meant for the not-yet-even-in-school set are popping up across the country.

These programs come from companies big and small, experienced and new. Even Sylvan Learning Centers, which was originally meant to help grade-school children who had trouble keeping up with their classmates, now runs classes that teach 4-year-olds to read. And these aren’t just meant for those kids you may have heard about whose parents fight for spots at the most prestigious private schools as early as conception – these programs are aimed at pre-preschoolers everywhere to give them a headstart on school.

It’s true, curricula for all ages have become more demanding recently, and schools now put a major focus on standardized testing. But should 3-year-olds really be taken away from the normal block building and bedtime story routines in favor of more vigorous educational programs? If preschool is the new kindergarten, that makes what goes on prior to entering a classroom the new preschool. And what about kids who don’t receive this headstart? Does that mean they are behind when they enter kindergarten without knowing the things that kindergarten was traditionally meant to teach? It’s a scary thought.

No wonder the rest of us are feeling anxious. This puts an extraordinary amount of pressure on both kids and parents. What, exactly, is next – teaching second languages in utero? The truth is that while kids do need some basic knowledge before entering school – such as knowing about ten letters and numbers and having the ability to write their names – these skills don’t require pricey tutors and courses. And what a child learns just from interacting with parents and siblings, hearing stories, and playing with toys can be incredibly beneficial. Kids have enough pressure as it is. There’s no reason to give them a lesson in stress before they’re even old enough to tie their shoes – which is what, basically, this trend boils down to.

Sore Throat? Just Google it.

Here’s a trend that doesn’t surprise me: according to the new issue of Parenting magazine, more and more parents are using the Internet to diagnose their kids’ illnesses. Hey, we’ve all done it. We just hop on Google or WebMD, type in the symptoms, and voila! It’s fast, it’s convenient – but is it correct?

That seems to be the million-dollar question. Doctors warn that this habit can lead parents to draw conclusions that are often not only incorrect, but alarming as well. (Okay, we’ve all done this too. Who hasn’t searched for information on a bad headache, only to find themselves poring over pages and pages of information on various diseases and tumors that list “headache” as a symptoms, ultimately leaving them worse off than when they started?)

And, yet, the web can be helpful as well when it comes to home treatments and basic information for worried moms and suffering kids. So where do you draw the line? I say pediatrician first, research second. While the Internet can help in a pinch, such as when your child won’t stop coughing at 1 am and you can’t reach your doctor, web-based diagnoses should not be taken as fact. If your child has a problem, you should always see your doctor, who, as the article suggests, can examine your child, consider her medical history, and put all that knowledge they garnered during years and years of med school and residencies to use.

It’s also important to take what you read with a grain of salt. If a website suggests a harmless remedy that may be useful – such as a cold cloth on the forehead or some Tylenol – it might be worth following; otherwise, it’s always best to check with a doctor. And, of course, it’s vital to remember that the scariest statistics probably don’t apply to your child’s minor symptoms, so don’t get worked up before you ever even get to a doctor’s office.

Lastly, the article advises making sure that, if you insist on checking websites, you check the right ones. Intelihealth.com and kidshealth.org come highly recommended. But, remember, nothing comes more highly recommended than your own pediatrician. 

You Are What You Eat

If you thought people were exaggerating when they said juice makes their kids hyper, you might not have had all of the facts. An article in the recent edition of Time brings up the age-old debate about what effect foods can have on kids’ behavior – with an interesting new study to back it up.

A lot of food industry experts and parents – me included – have long thought the claim that artificial ingredients and coloring (arguably not the best food choices anyway) makes kids wilder than usual was an urban myth. Yet it seems there may be some truth to it. A British study shows that some of the most common dyes and preservatives, such as sodium benzoate, do play a role in kids behaving especially hyper. These ingredients can be found in foods like juice, soda, candy, and, surprisingly, even salad dressings.

The study was conducted on both toddlers and elementary-aged kids, who were given different drinks on a daily basis, some containing the additives and some without. When these children were then rated by parents and teachers, those drinking the juices containing higher levels of the artificial ingredients were consistently and significantly rated higher in characteristics such as distractibility, hyperactivity, and restlessness. It is noted, however, that the effects were most pronounced on certain children, which is why some parents may have been swearing additives were causing these behaviors for years while other parents were sure it wasn’t true.

Although further research is necessary, the results seem pretty clear – parents whose kids tend to be hyperactive may want to avoid foods containing excessive amounts of sodium benzoate or artificial coloring. Which might not be a bad rule of thumb anyway. And with such a big move toward organic foods already taking place, this is just one more push in the all-natural direction. If you truly are what you eat, we might want to keep all of our kids away from some of the more questionable additives.

Kid Nation

Here’s something I don’t understand: Kid Nation. The reality show recently debuted amidst more controversy than a presidential election; simply searching the term “Kid Nation” on the Internet brings up literally a million hits. As you probably already know, the show involves 40 kids who are left alone in a ghost town, ruling over each other and left to their own devices. In the midst of the ensuing chaos, danger, and lack of boundaries, I find myself wondering: what IS the point??

While some hail the show as inventive and edgy, others are disgusted at the exploitation of these kids – both in terms of hours worked as well as the living conditions they are exposed to.  Reports suggest some of the kids have suffered injuries, from burns to ingesting bleach, and many claim the show violates child labor laws.

Despite – or perhaps due to - all of the controversy, 9 million viewers watched the premiere episode on September 19. Many who watched claimed that the show looked more like kids at summer camp than anything else. Yet, regardless of whether or not the show should be taken off the air for illegality or if the kids are having fun, it’s sad to say that this is what reality TV has come to. Lord of the Flies, once satirical and frightening, is now real-life entertainment, something we sit down in front of with a bag of popcorn to watch play out in real life before our eyes.

It’s hard to imagine this show has a point other than to entertain. After all, Fear Factor and Survivor, once shocking and innovative new reality shows, are now old news. People eating unidentifiable things in front of a camera no longer has the same shock-value that it once had. Producers are forced to turn to newer, more creative techniques in order to disgust and enthrall their TV audiences.

And despite your stance on Kid Nation, you can be certain of one thing: this is only the beginning. Reality shows will continue to push the envelope, exploiting anyone willing to sign on for a few bucks. More than anything else, then, maybe Kid Nation should serve as a warning. Clearly, as long as America is willing to watch, these shows are going to keep on coming.

Maybe it’s time to turn off the TV and go do something else for a change.

My Life, Unscripted

This new young adult book by Tricia Goyer is both unique and compelling. What makes it so interesting (though not entirely “unscripted”) is the fact that the book is made up of actual scripts, both fiction and nonfiction, written in the style of a scriptwriter. (There is director lingo and everything.) Together, the different scenes tell the reader about Goyer’s life, which, she admits, can at times play out like “a bad teen movie.” But they also encourage the reader to reflect and attach scripts to their own heretofore “unscripted” experiences - which is especially important for teens. The purpose of the book is to ultimately give girls the courage and knowledge they need to follow their own path in life, rather than getting swept up in teenage drama (as Goyer herself did). The final component of this book is a spiritual one – Goyer discusses her relationship with God and what her experiences have taught her, and she presents scripture as yet another script for life. While this means that the book has a specific audience in mind, for those who are willing to follow Goyer on this interesting and meaningful journey, they will find both entertainment and inspiration in regards to their own chaotic lives.

Image: Amazon.com

MONEY FOR NOTHING, by Edward Ugel

“What would you do if you won the lottery?” This standard bit of party talk has a far-from-standard answer in Money for Nothing, Edward Ugel’s fascinating memoir about his years at The Firm, buying lottery winners out of their winnings for pennies on the dollar.

What a lovely daydream, all that money just falling out of the sky to pay off your house, send your kids to college, and take the family on a cruise. But as rosy as the fantasy sounds, the reality is that cash windfalls bring their own problems, some of them devastating. Ugel does a great job explaining why: The typical person who plays the lottery is not already rich. They don’t have a circle of trusted financial advisers helping them navigate the lottery system, invest (or spend) their winnings wisely, or deal with the many charities, friends, and family members who want a piece of the pie. Trying to be smart about it, they choose annual payments over a lump sum, and blow through the first check or two like air. All too soon they are living a high-flying lifestyle while juggling massive debt, unable to wait for the next annual check.

Enter The Firm. Like other companies, The Firm offers to buy out the remaining winnings and give the lottery winner a drastically reduced lump sum, solving the winner’s debt problems and making a huge profit on the investment. Legal? Absolutely. Morally shady? You bet. Ugel lived for the thrill of the chase, hooking big winners and reeling them in with standard sales tactics that worked all too well.

Money for Nothing is also Ugel’s memoir of his own addiction to gambling, and how far he would go to support his habit. It’s a compelling look at a world I’ve never seen, and left me feeling kind of slimy by association. These are not nice people, and reading about them was enough to keep me away from the casino for a good long while.

Overall, “Money for Nothing” is a little rough around the edges. Ugel is not a professional or particularly gifted writer, but his story is an eye opener in so many ways. Above all I have learned to be careful what I wish for. And also? If I ever win the lottery? TAKE THE LUMP SUM! And while this isn’t really a good choice for a book club, it seems like excellent reading for a lot of the men I know, and my husband is already immersed in my copy. Thumbs up!

kajeet: "How Cool!"

When I first was told about the new kajeet phone for tweens and teens, I was a little skeptical. That was until the Sanya Katana sleek blue cell phones arrived at my doorstep and my 13-year-old son immediately claimed it and my 14-year-old daughter exclaimed “how cool is this!” Now they both have better phones than I do!

The kajeet phone is great because it allows the parents the control of some of the earlier kid phones, but the downloads, features, and cool, sleek phones that tweens and teens like to have. Some of the best features include:

TimeManager:   Parents and kids can set times when their kajeet phone can and can't be used. This feature can prevent your child's phone from ringing in the middle of the school day, or shut down the phone at 7:00 at night when homework becomes the main focus.

WalletManager: Each phone offers virtual "wallets" for you and your kids, allowing families to determine who pays for what. For example, you can have your child pay for texting or downloads, so that they learn how to be responsible with their phone use. This feature also makes sure important calls, like those from you, will always get through.

ContactManager: This feature enables families to decide who can call your child and who your child can call. By logging onto the kajeet site, you and your child can easily block anyone you do not wish to call or text your child's phone: from strangers to the bully in the hall.

FeatureManager: Decide what features such as IM, picture messaging, web browsing, or downloads your kid can use anytime with online management.  kajeet offers a full array of voice, text, picture, and instant messaging services that allow on-the-go kids to stay connected and communicate in their own style.

So for all those parents who have tweens and pre-tweens (yes, as we know, they are clamoring for cell phones to!) check out kajeet in order to meet somewhere in the middle where we get the control we need to meet our technology concerns, but still declared completely cool by our kids!

The Dark Dreamweaver, by Nick Ruth

In The Dark Dreamweaver, as in many a fantasy book, a boy sets out on a strange and magical journey to change the world -- or at least himself.  Dark Dreamweaver is the second book in a series called "The Remin Chronicles" and provided much fodder for discussion among my kids -- between the mysterious nightmares plaguing the main character, David, at the beginning of the book and the life-science facts of monarch butterflies, there was no chance of them not being drawn in. They both have science twice a week at school, where they get to investigate animals both exotic (an iguana) and extremely local (a pregnant cricket found in the sandbox), so the butterfly stuff was very interesting to them. And as for the drama of a young boy with nightmares actually taking action and not only braving his worst fears, but eventually saving the world (well, pretty much) -- needless to say, this was an empowering concept. As a grown-up, the writing was engaging enough to keep me interested in it as the kids read the book aloud each night at bedtime. I'd definitely recommend the book to kids old enough to read chapter books on their own. And now we're going to check out the first book in the series!

(You can see more about the book here at www.reminchronicles.com and you can find more reviews of the book at MotherTalk)

Let the Blame Games Begin

Not surprisingly, a new scientific advancement described in a recent Washington Post article brings with it waves of foreseeable controversy.  Apparently technology is closer than ever to creating a person’s complete DNA profile, as scientists were able to discover the order of one individual’s entire DNA sequence. This newest discovery shows more information than ever before, and proves there is more of a difference in people’s DNA than we thought.

So what does this mean? Basically, it won’t be long before you can determine exactly which traits you passed on to your child, and which came from your spouse. I can see it now: “Really, honey, Our son IS just like you! He got that stubborn streak, lack of athletic skills, and forgetfulness from your side of the family! It’s ALL YOUR FAULT!”

Once this is possible–and scientists expect it to be soon–the ultimate blame game will start popping up all over the place. Soon we’ll have yet another fight to pick with our spouses: who is responsible for the genius? The hazel eyes? The juvenile onset diabetes? As tempting as it may be to blame your child’s negative traits on your husband, some of this might be a case of too much information. Think of the arguments, divorces, and genetically-arranged marriages that will follow.

Scary, isn’t it? I mean, most of us have enough to fight about already. On the positive side, this could also provide a lot of information about a person’s health risks and what traits they have that could possibly mitigate or exacerbate those dangers.

Clearly, this is just another example of a scientific breakthrough that has the potential to do as much harm as good. So as interesting as it would be to know that much about yourself, lets hope the power gets used for good, not evil.

Allergy-Free

For all of you parents out there struggling to feed a child with food allergies, it seems you’re not alone. For reasons that are apparently inexplicable, in the five-year period from 1997 to 2002, the number of Americans with food allergies doubled – up to 12 million. The number of children diagnosed with nut allergies also doubled in that five-year span. With nut, wheat, and dairy allergies on the rise, most parents will no longer be feeding their kids good old pb&j’s with a tall glass of milk for lunch.

Luckily, regardless of what has caused the increase in food allergies, manufacturers are responding in full force. First came the stream of organics as Americans struggled to eat healthier and more environmentally friendly food. And now right alongside those all-natural products come the allergen-free foods. While things like gluten-free snacks may once have been hard to find, they are now a staple in many of the more naturally oriented grocery stores.

What’s even better is that many of these foods are aimed at kids. From cookies and snack bars to bagels and cereals, these products are specifically made for the child with a food allergy or intolerance. Some of the foods are even non-specific, omitting all of the common allergens rather than just one. So no matter the allergy and whatever the meal, there is now a food available when you need it. Kids with all kinds of allergies can enjoy brownies, macaroni and cheese, and pancakes, all worry-free. Which is good news for both the kids who want the food they can’t have, as well as the parents who find themselves at a loss when planning meals.

It seems allergen-free is the newest food craze, and it’s good to know that companies are responding to the needs of the consumers. Hey, the fast food places have already added salads; I’m sure it won’t be long before we start seeing the wheat, dairy, and sulfite-free egg-McMuffin.

Image: Getty Images